24: 5 Sustainable Living Mistakes to Avoid (and What to Do Instead)

Sustainable living isn’t a straight path — it’s a practice that shifts and changes as we do.

Over the years, I’ve learned a lot about what sustainable living really looks like. I’ve tried just about everything, and while some things worked beautifully (at least for a while), others were total disasters! This episode is a look back at a few of those lessons — the cutlery kits, the trash jars, the guilt, the burnout, and the pressure to both reduce waste and make it all look perfect online. Because sustainable living isn’t about getting it right — it’s about finding what fits your real life.

In this personal episode, I’m sharing five common traps we might fall into and why imperfection, flexibility, and community matter so much more than being perfect. It’s a gentle reminder that progress isn’t about what you see online; it’s about showing up, doing what you can, and keeping at it.

Takeaways

• Why buying your way to sustainability won’t work  and what to do instead
• The burnout that comes from trying to “do it all” and how to recover from it
• How guilt and shame are built into our systems (and why they don’t lead to change)
• The difference between looking sustainable and living sustainably
• Why messy, imperfect progress creates the most lasting change

One Small Shift

Before you buy your next “eco” product, PAUSE. Put it in your cart, wait a few days, and see how you feel. You might already have what you need — or realize you didn’t need it at all.

Resources

How NOT to Go Zero Waste (blog post)

50 Easy Ways to Be More Sustainable (blog post)

Household Waste Audit Workbook

A Beginner's Guide to a Sustainable Kitchen

Transcript

0:00

I have made just about every sustainable living mistake you can think of from thinking I needed to buy all the eco things to trying to fit our family's trash into a mason jar. But the biggest mistake was thinking it all had to be perfect. Welcome to Sustainable in the Suburbs, a podcast for the eco curious who want to live a greener life and are looking for a place to start. I'm your host, Sarah Robertson Barnes, a soccer mom with a station wagon and a passion for sustainable living. Each week I'll bring you practical tips and honest conversations to help you waste less, save money and make small doable shifts that actually fit your real life. Because sustainable living doesn't have to be perfect to matter and you don't have to do it all to make a difference. Hello, welcome back to Sustainable in the Suburbs, the podcast where we start where we are, use what we have and live a little greener, one small shift at a time. My name is Sarah Robertson Barnes and I'm glad to be hanging out with you today. Before we get started, I just wanted to give a heartfelt thank you to everyone listening. Because of you, the show keeps growing and reaching more people who care about living a little greener. And that honestly means the world to me. So if you've been enjoying Sustainable in the Suburbs, it really helps when you rate the show and especially review it in your podcast app. And of course, share the podcast with your friends. Those simple actions make such a difference in helping others find the show and join this little community we're building here. All right, let's get into today's episode. Over these past few months, I have interviewed several different people about their current work or advocacy in sustainability. And a common thread has been how that work has evolved over time, but they're still out here doing it. There's this quote from William McDonough that I really love that says, sustainability takes forever. And that's the point. And honestly, I think that's so true. When I look back over the past 25 years or so, My version of sustainable living has changed so many times and I know I'm not the only one. As a quick recap, in university, my sustainable eco living started out as thrift shopping and buying food in bulk because honestly, that's all I could afford to do. I thrifted because it was cheap and I bought things like lentils in bulk because it stretched my budget and learning to make things last because I had to, but those habits stuck. And over time, I realized that what began as survival skills were actually the foundation of living more sustainably. Later, when I was going through infertility and trying to regain a sense of control over something, anything, I went deep down the plastic-free rabbit hole. I started learning more about environmental health and personal health and what goes into the products that we use every day. I wanted to create the safest and most intentional home I could for the family I was hoping for. And so I started making everything from scratch, from cleaning products to beauty, toothpaste, you name it. Then when my kids were small, I poured all of that energy into our home life. Cloth diapers, homemade wipes, snacks from the bulk store, making everything myself, all of it. And like most parents, I was determined to give them the best start I could. and to live in line with my values. It was a lot of work, but it felt meaningful. And honestly, that laid more groundwork for what came next, my full-on zero waste era. Eventually around 2016, I stumbled onto the zero waste hashtag on Instagram, and it felt like I'd found my people. There was this whole community of folks who cared about the same things I did and were showing that change was possible. It also really felt like the next logical step, the way to quote, level up my sustainable living efforts. And so I dove in head first. I tried to eliminate every scrap of plastic, make everything from scratch and fit all of our family's trash into a single mason jar. But what I learned and pretty quickly is that sustainable living has to actually be sustainable for you, for your life. your time, your energy, your budget, your family, all of that. Because what's the point of trying to save the planet if you are miserable in the process? Now my version of sustainable living looks a lot different. It's more grounded. It's about making an impact where I live, using what I have, supporting local businesses and initiatives, and showing my kids what climate action looks like at home. It's not perfect and it never will be. And it feels good to finally let that be enough. So all of this is to say that I think this is something we don't talk about enough, that sustainable living looks different for everyone and that it's supposed to change over time. Your version of doing your best might look completely different from someone else's and that's fine. That's not failure, that's growth. So if your sustainable living journey doesn't look like it used to, or it doesn't look like anyone else's right now, that's okay. It's meant to evolve with you because sustainability does take forever. And that is the point. When I look back at all of the phases I've been through from bulk shopping on a student budget to making everything from scratch and burning out on zero waste, I've realized something. Sustainable living is never going to be something that you arrive at. It will keep unfolding and changing right alongside you and the season of life that you are in. What it looks like now will be completely different from how it looks in the future. And that's the point. It should be moving with you and your family and how the world is changing around us all the time. And that's what I want to talk about today because along the way I have made pretty much every sustainable living mistake there is. And I know I'm not the only one. And I want to talk about how you are not doing it wrong. There are five mistake buckets in particular that I see people falling into again and again. especially when they're just starting out or trying to get back on track. So my hope is that by walking through these together, you'll see that you are not alone in any of it. And maybe you'll feel a little more room to breathe in your own version of this work. Mistake number one, the green shopping trap. One of the biggest traps I see right now, and it's only getting louder, is the idea that we can buy our way into being sustainable. There is an entire industry built around quote, like, green and eco and natural everything, bamboo this and reusable that, and perfectly color coordinated reusable mugs sit on shelves. I'm sure you remember that trend. And sure, some of these things can be genuinely helpful, but the truth is you probably don't need most of them. Even when I first started paying attention to quote, like zero waste, I didn't run out and overhaul my house. have always leaned more toward use what you have, but I'll admit I did fall for a few of the classics. The bamboo cutlery set in the roll up that looked very Instagrammy. The stainless steel and glass straws in every size imaginable, which did not see much use and most of which now live their second life as plant stakes. But here's the thing, I didn't buy them out of impulse. I bought them out of hope, out of wanting to do better. But consumption, even good or mindful consumption is still consumption. So that's the paradox that we live in. We've been trained as good little consumers to treat every new problem or good intention as something that requires a purchase of something new. And even the sustainable eco-friendly world isn't immune to that. It's just gotten better at the branding. So in some cases, we've replaced fast fashion with fast swaps. See my Stanley Cup reference earlier. And there's a reason that this happens. We live in a culture that tells us that the solution to almost every problem is to buy a product. You feeling disorganized? Buy some containers. Feeling stressed? Buy this self-care product. Feeling guilty about plastic? Buy this thing that's plastic free. It's just marketing psychology and none of us are immune. That's why one of the biggest mindset shifts for me has been learning to pause before purchasing, to sit in that little moment of discomfort instead of rushing to fix it with something new. So now when I catch myself about to click add to cart, I run through a few quiet questions. Do I already have something that works? Probably, turns out that way most of the time. Can I borrow it from somebody? can I rent it? Can I find it secondhand? Can I find it in a local small business? Honestly, do I really even need this at all? Sometimes the answer is yes. Sometimes a thoughtful purchase really does make life easier or helps me stick with a sustainable habit or try something new. But more often than not, the most sustainable thing is what you already own in your house. The glass jars in your recycling bin, the tote bags multiplying in your closet, the perfectly good plastic containers that you've had for years. And if you do need to buy something, start by looking secondhand first, whether it's at your local thrift store or an online resale app or a community group like Buy Nothing. When you do buy new, of course, try to support local shops and small businesses wherever you can. Keeping your dollars close to home is another powerful way to make an impact. This is where use what you have really becomes more than a slogan for me. It is a practice. It's not as shiny as a brand new eco swap, but that's the part of the sustainable living ethos that changes how you actually think, not just how you buy. So if you've fallen into the shopping trap before, you're not alone. As I said, been there, pulled in by all the clever marketing and good intentions and aesthetic posts. The goal isn't to feel bad about it. It's just to notice it and learn from it and make different choices going forward. And if you already have a pile of those eco essentials, gathering dust, maybe it's the fancy straws or a few too many tote bags or a container you never ended up using, find someone in your community who will actually use them, post them to your local buy nothing group, offer them to a friend or donate them to a community center or school. Because the real work isn't owning perfect tools. It's in sharing the tools that we already have. Every time you stop and ask these questions, every time you choose to share instead of buying, you're not just reducing waste, you're building community. And that's where sustainable living really starts. Mistake number two, trying to do everything all at once, perfectly. I vividly remember when I first stumbled onto the zero waste hashtag on Instagram. So as I mentioned before, I felt like I had finally found my people in a community who cared about the same things that I did. and people who were showing that an ordinary household could drastically reduce its waste. At the time, the symbol of the zero waste movement was the trash jar. So that's a single mason jar that supposedly held a year's worth of garbage. And it was everywhere. And I thought, okay, this is how you level up. So I tried it and we lasted an entire weekend and then never again. I quickly realized that for me, the trash jar is garbage. It's literally garbage. But here's the thing, the trash jar did do something important. It grabbed attention. It made people look at their waste differently. And for some folks that still works. But for most of us, it was impossible for so many reasons. And I still have that jar. I use it now as a prop when I give talks or do workshops because it is an interesting illustrator of what our trash can look like and also how different this work can be because I still carried that trash jar mentality with me, measuring my success by how little I threw away and how perfectly I could do it. So my version of zero waste became very rigid and hyper-focused on my individual bits of physical trash instead of bigger systems that created the waste in the first place. I was making everything I could from scratch and I went without a lot of things, thinking that that's what real commitment looked like. but eventually I started to feel like I was grading myself on an impossible test. And that's what perfectionism does. It shrinks the work down until it's just you and your journey. And eventually I realized what I really needed wasn't to do everything perfectly, it was to do what made sense for my actual life, to shift the focus from purity to practicality, from isolation to community. Because the truth is nobody is doing this perfectly. Everyone's circumstances are different. Where you live, how much time you have, what's accessible or affordable, and that's okay. Again, sustainability has to be sustainable for you. In some seasons of life, that might look like making everything from scratch if you want to and feeling great about it. And in other seasons, it's gonna be store-bought bread and a pile of recycling, and both count. When we let go of this all-or-nothing thinking, we make room for something better. for consistency, for joy, and for connection with other imperfect people who are also trying to do their best too. So if you ever find yourself slipping back into that pressure cooker of doing it right, just take a breath and step back and remember that the goal isn't to fit your life into a mason jar, it's to build a life outside of it. Mistake number three, the guilt and shame spiral. So there's this tricky stage after you've been doing the zero waste thing or the sustainable swap thing. When you realize how much waste and plastic are actually out there, how deep over consumption runs and how systems of colonialism and capitalism that drive it all. And suddenly everything feels very heavy and nearly insurmountable. I've been there and I'm still there a lot of the time. uh For a long time, I carried this deep sense that if I just tried a little harder, if I tried to get things more in refill, if I drove a little less, if I made just a few more swaps, I could somehow make up for all the harm that was happening. And when I couldn't, I felt like I was personally failing. But what I've learned since is that shame is not a learning tool. It doesn't create change. It creates burnout. During the pandemic, something really shifted for me, not in what I believed in, but where I was putting my energy. I've always known that sustainability is really about justice and systems and not just swaps. But that time really showed me what community resilience looks like in practice. Seeing neighbors support each other, local groups stepping up and creators talking more about care and interconnection reminded me that sustainable living isn't just about reducing waste, it's about how we show up for one another. Even with this mindset shift, I still found myself teetering between immense guilt and panic, uh or just apathy. It's so easy to feel like you're not doing enough, and it's just as easy to shut down completely when it all feels too big. And that's not an accident. Guilt and shame are built right into the system. corporations have spent decades and billions of dollars convincing us that we are the problem. And in some ways that's really worked. Most of us were raised to believe that being good for the planet is just a matter of personal choice. If you just recycle properly and you compost and you bought the right products, then you're doing your part. And if you don't, then it's all your fault. Meanwhile, massive corporations continue to pollute and profit. and resist any kind of real accountability or extended producer responsibility. Like, did you know that we have British Petroleum to thank for the uh carbon footprint, even though they are the fossil fuel company? Now, of course, none of that means that our individual actions don't matter. You know, I believe deeply that what we do in our own homes and communities adds up and those small individual actions are how movements start. also remember systems are made of people. and people can be influenced. So if you've ever felt yourself immobilized by guilt because you forgot your reusable cup or you had to buy something in plastic or you drove when you could have walked, please hear me. You are not Exxon. You are not Jeff Bezos. You are one person doing your best inside a system that makes it very difficult to do so. And that's enough. Awareness is what helps us learn and adjust and do better next time. It's talking about this stuff and sharing ideas and supporting better systems together. When we act collectively, we can demand better choices and policies and products. And that's where our small ripples turn into waves. So yes, care, absolutely care, but don't get stuck in shame. You can care deeply about the planet without carrying the whole weight of it on your back. We are not cooked and what we do matters. Mistake number four, doing it for the gram. There's this pressure, especially online, uh for our lives to look a certain way. And I found that very much so in the early days of sustainable living. You know the one, the calm, neutral aesthetic, the matching glass jars, the bamboo everything, these spotless white kitchen and refill stations that somehow never get sticky. And I'll be honest, I absolutely fell into that trap too. When I first started sharing my sustainability journey online, I'd make sure that anything quote, like non-eco was cropped out of the shot. I would wish that I had an all white farmhouse kitchen and the perfect labels and the perfect natural light. We've been trained to associate green with a certain look, you know, the neutral tones and minimalist design, but real homes don't look like that. Real homes have kids and pets and chaos and junk drawer full of elastic bands and bread tags. That's what real life looks like. Real life isn't Pinterest worthy. It's messy. It's visible mending. It's rinsing out takeout containers and using them again because they stack perfectly in the freezer. It's jars with labels half peeled off and a bunch of random Tupperware. The imperfect mismatch lived in version of sustainability matters more than the polished one because the truth is it has to work for your actual life. And that's where this low hanging fruit comes in. The easy everyday things that don't require a total lifestyle overhaul or a renovation. For most of us, the kitchen is the best place to start. That's where most of our household waste comes from. Food packaging, leftovers, the box of lettuce you forgot in the back of the fridge. Climate action really does begin at the kitchen table. So if you want to start small, start there. Get messy. Do a quick waste audit. Take a look at what's ending up in your garbage or your compost and see what patterns you notice. You don't have to overthink it. Just paying attention is powerful. And if you'd like a bit of guidance on that, I do have a free household waste audit workbook that works you through the process step by step. And I'll link that down in the show notes. And if you're ready to go beyond that, I also have a beginner's guide to a sustainable kitchen, which is designed to help you cut waste, save money, especially on food waste, and make the most of what you already have. So I'll link all of that in the show notes for you if you want to check them out. Because The biggest impact won't come from buying new things or trying to make it look a certain way. It's about making the most of what's already in front of you. Even if it's quote ugly, sustainable, you know, the crack takeout containers and the thing we had to duct tape back together. So before you replace all the containers in your kitchen or buy a bunch of cute eco swaps, just take a look around. What can you use up? What's already working? This is when it starts to feel easier, not because it looks perfect. but because you've learned to see value in what's already there. Mistake number five, mistaking perfection for progress. This last one might be the most important, uh it is for me anyway, and the hardest to unlearn. There comes a point when you start to realize that sustainable living doesn't look the way that it does online. You forget your mug, the refill store's closed, you grabbed takeout in a container, and suddenly it feels like you messed it all up. There's a little voice that shows up that's like, you should have planned better. You should have remembered. You should have known. But here's the thing, doing it messy still counts. It doesn't have to be perfect or aesthetic or Pinterest worthy to make a difference. You're going to make mistakes. And real life is full of mismatched containers and the occasional plastic water bottle. It's real life. And that's what makes it work. So for a long time, I thought if I did everything right, the perfect refill routine, the ideal meal plan to not waste anything, the exact right system for purchasing food packaging that I could recycle, then I'd finally be living sustainably. I'd finally be perfectly zero waste. And I was chasing progress through, quote, doing it right, being perfect. I remember once I was out with my kids on a very hot summer day and realizing that we were out of water in all of our reusables and there wasn't a refill station in sight. And I agonized over buying a plastic bottle of water because, it's bad plastic bottled water. I was contemplating whether or not I should buy water for my children on a hot day. And that's crazy work. That was a turning point for me because what's the point of living sustainably if it's just built on stress for some invisible audience. Perfection doesn't make this easier. It makes it fragile. One slip up or one off week. and you feel like it's all falling apart. But when you allow it to be messy and you build in flexibility and grace, you create space for the long game. You make it sustainable for you. That might mean choosing the best worst option some days. The plastic packaging because that's what you can afford. The drive-through coffee because you forgot your mug. The store-bought cleaner because you're out of time. None of that means you're failed. It means you're human. The goal isn't to do it perfectly. It's just to keep doing it. to make the quote, best, worst choice most of the time and move on quickly when things don't go as planned. And that grace for yourself and for other people is where the real magic happens because someone else's version of sustainability will always look different from yours, different homes, different needs, different diets, different capacities. And that's okay. When we stop chasing perfection and start embracing the good enough, we make this work feel more inclusive, more compassionate and resilient. As perfection doesn't change systems, people do. Imperfectly. Consistently. Together. So what's the one small shift we'll make this week? If you take anything from today's episode, let it be this. You don't have to do it all. And you definitely don't have to do it perfectly. But there is one small, simple habit that will make a surprisingly big difference. It's to catch yourself thinking, ooh, I just need to get, whether it's a swap or a kitchen gadget or something you've seen online or you forgot to get at the store, just pause. Just put it in your cart if you want to, but don't buy it yet. Give it a few days. See how it feels. Do you still want it? Do you still need it? Could you borrow it? All of that. That tiny pause interrupts the buying reflex, the one we've all been trained into, and it helps you reconnect what actually matters. And you can go back and listen to episode 12 for a walkthrough on pausing before you buy if you need it. Because sustainability isn't about the next thing you buy. It's about what you don't. It's about slowing down and choosing with intention and remembering that every small mindful action adds up, especially when we do them together. So this week, try the pause. and do a messy and see what happens. So that's it for this week. If any of these quote mistakes sounded familiar, just know you're in good company. um I've made every single one of them and more too. And I'd love to hear it resonated with you. So if there's anything you'd add to the list, you can always reach out on Instagram or through my website. And I really do love hearing your stories. Until next time, start where you are, use what you have and live a little greener. Thanks for tuning in to Sustainable in the Suburbs. Every small step adds up and I'm so glad we're doing this together. If you enjoyed this episode, please make sure to follow the show, share it with a friend and leave a review wherever you get your podcasts. You can find me at sustainableinthesuburbs.com or at Sarah Robertson Barnes on all the things. Until next time, start where you are, use what you have and live a little greener.