28: Is It Okay to Give Secondhand Gifts? Why Thrifted Gifts Are the Most Eco-Friendly Choice

Some of the most meaningful gifts we give (and receive) aren’t new. They’re secondhand.

And yet… so many of us still hesitate.

In this week’s episode of Sustainable in the Suburbs, Sarah Robertson-Barnes digs into the cultural stigma around secondhand gifts, why it lingers, and why it’s slowly shifting. This episode explores what makes a gift meaningful in the first place — and why secondhand gifts, whether thrifted, vintage, or passed down, often hold the most heart.

Sarah shares listener stories, practical ideas, and her own real-life secondhand wins — all to help you rethink what gifting can look like this season. Whether you’re new to the idea of secondhand gifting or already a Buy Nothing pro, this conversation offers encouragement, inspiration, and lots of doable takeaways.

Takeaways

• Cultural stigma around secondhand gifting still exists — but it’s shifting.
• Intention matters more than whether a gift is new or used.
• Thrifted and pre-loved gifts can dramatically reduce waste and carbon emissions.
• Creativity thrives when you step outside the “brand new” box.
• Secondhand gifts often carry memory, story, and connection.
• Online marketplaces and local thrift shops offer incredible gifting potential.
• Community spaces like Buy Nothing groups can spark beautiful gifting moments.

One Small Shift

This year, choose to give one secondhand gift. Let gifting be less about “new” and more about meaning.

Resources

Is It Okay to Give Secondhand Gifts? (blog post)

Eco-Friendly Gift Ideas for Kids (blog post)

How to Stop Shopping on Amazon (blog post)

A Very Big List of Sustainable Canadian Brands (blog post)

Transcript

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The most meaningful gifts I've ever given and received were not new. They were secondhand. And yet so many of us still feel weird about it, even though honestly it's the most eco-friendly gift you can give and nobody needs to know about you unless you want them to. So today I want to explore that weird feeling and why it might be time to rethink it. Welcome to Sustainable in the Suburbs, a podcast for the eco curious who want to live a greener life and are looking for a place to start. I'm your host, Sarah Robertson Barnes, a soccer mom with a station wagon and a passion for sustainable living. Each week I'll bring you practical tips and honest conversations to help you waste less, save money, and make small doable shifts that actually fit your real life. Because sustainable living doesn't have to be perfect to matter, and you don't have to do it all to make a difference. Hello, and welcome back to Sustainable in the Suburbs, the podcast where we start where we are. use what we have and live a little greener, one small shift at a time. My name is Sarah Robertson-Barnes and I'm glad to be spending time with you today. Before we dive in, a quick little note. If this podcast has become part of your week, that's awesome. Thank you. And I'd be so grateful if you followed Sustainable in the Suburbs wherever you listen and left a rating or a review. It does make a big difference in helping new listeners find the show. And if we're not already connected on Instagram, you can find me at Sarah Robertson Barnes. I also send a weekly newsletter through my website, which is going to be really helpful as we head into the holidays with ideas to help you save money, cut down on waste, and make things feel just a little greener. And the link to do all of that is in the show notes. And truly, if something in today's episode resonates for you, get in touch. I'd love hearing your stories. All right, so here's what I've been thinking about this week as we head into Black Friday, which has gone from a day to a week to somehow a month, even here in Canada. Is it okay to give secondhand gifts? And the answer is yes. Okay, so thanks for tuning in. We'll just roll the outro music. I'm kidding. Honestly, the answer really is yes. Secondhand gifts are absolutely okay. And in many cases, they're even better. They are thoughtful, they're creative, and they're one of the simplest ways to give a gift that's actually eco-friendly. And in this economy, they are easier on the budget. But of course, it's never quite that easy in practice. There's also a huge cultural layer to it. A lot of us grew up with the idea that a real gift is something new. something shiny and packaged and straight from store. And that narrative sticks with us more than we realize. Of course, layered on top of that is the old stigma around secondhand itself. The idea that used automatically means less than. Even when a secondhand gift is usually more thoughtful, better quality, there can still be that quiet pressure to show up with something that looks the part. Those inherited ideas about what makes a gift special don't disappear overnight. Those ideas come from a time when new and special were linked in a very different way. A time when people owned less and replaced less and things were actually made to last. And then of course, we've spent decades being trained by marketers and advertisements to believe that new automatically means better. So it's no wonder that it's hard to step outside of that story. But the truth is, those ideas do not reflect the world we live in now. We are not short on things. We are absolutely surrounded by stuff. Everything we could ever need or want already exists out there. It's sitting in our homes, in our communities, in our thrift stores, in buy nothing groups, online, all of it. We do not have a shortage of things. We do have a shortage of intention. And that's where secondhand gifting can feel really different. When you choose something that's pre-loved, You are not adding to all the material and energy it takes to make something new. You are keeping an item in use and out of the landfill. And you're finding pieces that have a little more character, a little more story than anything you could ever put in your Amazon cart. And that's what I love about it. There's usually a reason you picked it. Something in it reminded you of that person, a color, a texture, a memory. Those are the gifts that feel personal. The ones you can't replicate with something straight off of the store shelf. It's choosing something with care and intention, knowing it's going to be used and loved again. And that feels so much more in line with the spirit of the season than anything that comes wrapped in layers of plastic packaging. And on top of all that, when you're shopping secondhand, you're often supporting local causes or community programs. A lot of thrift stores are attached to charities, so your gift is doing a little more good in your community than just being a gift. There's also this unexpected creativity that comes with secondhand gifting. Sometimes it's that one beautiful find. Sometimes it's a few little pieces that come together in a really thoughtful and meaningful way. You're curating, not just consuming. So today I want to spend some time with all of that. Not just the logistics of what to buy and where to find it, but also the mindset shift behind it. Rethinking how we give and when we give and if we give in a way that feels more intentional. and a whole lot less pressured. Gifts that feel meaningful, sustainable and doable for us and our budgets and for the planet. So as always, let's start with the bigger picture, the part that we don't always take a moment to sit with, which is why does this matter so much? Why talk about secondhand gifts at all? When we think about holiday gifting, it's really easy to slip into the idea that everything needs to be new. New toys, new clothes, new decor, new everything. And the pressure makes sense when you look at the numbers. In Canada, the full holiday expenditure, so that includes gifts, food, travel, entertainment, is expected to be around $1,800 this year. And in the US, people are expected to spend about $1,000 on gifts alone. That's a huge amount of money funneled toward things we often buy out of expectation and not intention. But here's the part we don't always slow down to think about. Every new thing we buy comes with a cost. Not just to our budgets, which tend to go out the window this time of year, but also to the planet. Every single item has a whole life behind it before we ever bring it home. The materials, the energy, the labor, the transport, the packaging, the waste. And the thing is, we are not lacking for things. We are truly surrounded by them. The reality is that most of our stuff isn't even making it to a second life. In the US, for example, 85 % of textiles end up in landfill or incinerated. With only 15%, 15, gets reused or recycled. And that's just one category of stuff. It's that linear take, make, waste cycle. And that's where secondhand gifting becomes really interesting, because it lets us step outside of that cycle a little bit. So it's not about perfection or never buying anything new again. It's about noticing that we don't always need to do that, that there's value and beauty and possibility in what already exists. When we choose something pre-loved instead of new, the impact is real. Buying and wearing secondhand clothing instead of new, for example, can reduce your carbon emissions by about 25%. And in one study from the Carousel Group, people choosing secondhand items, that's across clothing, furniture, electronics, toys, can save over 116,000 tons of carbon dioxide in a single year. So those are big numbers. And they can feel really abstract, but what they really mean is this. If everything we could ever need or want already exists out there, then gifting differently just makes sense. It's more connected to the reality that the world already has more than enough staff. And maybe the best gifts we give this year can come from that abundance instead of adding to it. One of the biggest barriers to secondhand gifting isn't the stuff, because again, we are surrounded by abundance. It's the stigma, that little cultural whisper that says that a gift has to be new to be appropriate, or that something secondhand is cheap or gross or somehow less than. And honestly, for a long time, that's how a lot of people felt. Many of us grew up in an era where new was the only acceptable option. even if the new thing is poorly made fast fashion or a rushed last minute purchase or something that will quietly end up in landfill by January. And then on top of all of that, again, we've spent decades being trained to be good little consumers and believe that new automatically means better. So it's no wonder that there's still hesitation. Something is shifting. Attitudes toward thrifting in general have definitely changed. And I think slowly that is extending to secondhand gifts. It's not a tidal wave, but the conversation does look different than it did a few years ago. When I asked on threads whether people like giving or receiving secondhand gifts, the responses were really interesting. Some people are all in and others are hesitant or want to be braver about it. But I think this one said so much. Quote. I love receiving them, but I'm still hesitant on gifting them unless I know the person I'm giving would be into that. And every year I try to talk myself down from that feeling because I think we'd all benefit from normalizing secondhand gifts, but it remains a bit of a mental hurdle." And I think that right there is the tension for so many of us. It's not that the secondhand gifts aren't meaningful. They're often more meaningful. It's that we're all trying to like gently unlearn decades of messaging about what a proper gift is supposed to look like. And that's where that know your audience piece really matters. Secondhand gifting doesn't mean giving anything secondhand. It means choosing the right secondhand thing from the right place. The thing that feels like the person in front of you, the thing that's thoughtful. And another listener named it in such a clear way, quote, there's a big difference between pulling something out of your closet you don't want anymore versus finding the perfect thing secondhand. One feels hurtful. and one feels incredibly thoughtful." Yeah, exactly. That distinction came up again and again. When secondhand gifting is done with intention, so when you choose something that fits that person's taste or nostalgia or humor, it lands in such a lovely way. And honestly, it's the same with new gifts, but a random thing doesn't feel any better than a random secondhand thing. The intention is the through line. Some of you also pointed out that sometimes the hesitation isn't about the item at all. It's about the language that we use. So one person said, quote, not everyone will be okay with knowing they're receiving a thrifted gift, which is when you stretch the truth and say you got it at a cool vintage shop. Suddenly that makes it okay. End quote. And listen, they're not wrong. Calling it vintage might've cracked the code to be honest. Used carries a whole different connotation than vintage or curated. And sometimes that's part of shifting the stigma, especially with people who aren't quite there yet. It's simply shifting the language to match the reality, not to hide anything, but to describe it more accurately because secondhand spans such a wide range. It can mean something that's meaningfully passed down. So a family heirloom that you're passing on to a younger generation. My Nana used to call this giving with a warm hand. Sometimes it's something intentionally regifted, which hot tip, if you receive something that you know you will regift, label it right away with who you got it from so you don't regift it back to that person. Second hand can also mean vintage, like we said, or antique. It can be something down locally at the charity shop. It could be something sourced online through a marketplace or eBay or Poshmark. It could be something rare or a collectible that only exists secondhand or something handmade using thrifting materials. It doesn't mean just one thing. It's a whole spectrum. And your stories really highlighted that range. So one person on threads shared how she gifted her niece, her late grandmother's holiday apron, washed, pressed, wrapped with so much care and it was adored. And they said this. Quote, one Christmas I gave my niece, my mom's, her deceased grandmother's favorite holiday aprons since she was now hosting big family gatherings. I washed iron and packed it nicely. She loved it. End quote. So this is an example of giving with a warm hand. Gifts like that land because they carry a story and the thought is so clear. And if you want to start shifting things in your own circles, it doesn't have to be a big declaration. You can start small. Gift one secondhand item this year. Ask for something secondhand. This is what we started doing with grandparents saying, you know, the kids are really into this right now and here's a marketplace listing for the thing. And that worked. You could set it as a theme for Secret Santa, whether at the office or within your family. You could set the theme as vintage. You can pair a secondhand find with a small handmade or a new item. or even write out a little card with the story behind the gift. My grandmother used to do that with me. She gave me one year a silver serving dish and inside the dish she had written on, just on an index card, the family member that she had received it from and the story behind that and why she was passing it on to me this year. And so of course, I'm still using that serving dish at all of our family gatherings and it makes me think of her every time. So each little moment like that nudges the needle forward. Culture changes quietly through modeling. And through showing that secondhand doesn't mean lesser, it means thoughtful and intentional. These secondhand gifts tell a story, and stories are always better than packaging. So I really do think that what brings this whole conversation to life are the stories. Because once you start paying attention to the secondhand gifts that have actually meant something to people, you see a theme. They aren't lesser. They're the ones people remember the most. And at my own house, this has absolutely been true. We've bought secondhand for our kids for years, everything from Lego to their bikes, sports equipment. It's just normal for us and the kids get it. They expect it. But one year, couple of years ago now, think we found a PlayStation on Kijiji, which is a secondhand selling app here in Canada. And that was one of those unicorn finds where it's exactly what you're looking for at the right price nearby in great condition. And when the kids opened it on Christmas morning, after the initial freak out, my oldest looked at me and said, you found this on Kijiji and I felt like I won Christmas that year. And it reminded me that kids don't care about new, they care about surprise and delight and being known. And I saw that same energy in so many of the messages that people shared when I asked about secondhand gifts on threads. And these stories weren't about settling, they were about connection. So let me share a few that really stayed with me. So first there was this one, which... I think says so much in the simplest way. Quote, my niece was really into needle punching and I was able to put together a thrifted basket with some neutral cotton fabric and an embroidery hoop and some balls of scrap yarn, all thrifted. End quote. So this is exactly what I mean by intention. It's not about the thing. It's about what you put together and the way you put it together. Noticing what someone loves and gathering small pieces from here and there and creating something personal. And using thrifted materials for handmade or creative gifts is such a lovely way to pair sustainability with meaning. And then there was this next one, which is a perfect example of how secondhand can tap into memory in a way that new things just can't. Quote, two years ago, I got my aunt a long lost childhood doll that she talked about for years. I found it on eBay for $14. Best gift I've ever given. End quote. love this one, $14 for a memory that's been living in someone's heart for decades. There's no new gift that can recreate that kind of feeling. And that reminded me of a moment in our own local buy nothing group when we had a lamb chop puppet that we passed along so kids weren't playing with it. And the woman who came to pick it up was so emotional because she'd been looking for one forever as a memory that she shared with her daughter. And she brought us handmade like painted handmade cards as a thank you. And so the gift giving went both ways. And sometimes the most meaningful gifts are ones just like that. And then there were the stories that were less about one particular object and more about the whole family culture. Quote, Oh, heck yes. Our household welcomes and doles out secondhand anything, especially for the kids. It's a waste of money otherwise and the kids don't even notice. End quote. smiled really hard when I read this because it's so true. Kids don't need no, they just need good. They need fun or interesting or meaningful. And when secondhand is simply part of the family culture, there is no stigma. It's just how you get things. So when you look at these stories together, they all point to the same thing. The gifts that stay with us are the ones with meaning, not the ones with the highest price tag or the latest thing or the newest packaging, but the ones chosen with care. The ones that feel like somebody saw you. Secondhand gifts carry story. They carry memory. They carry intention. And that's why they work. One of my favorite things about secondhand gifting is how naturally it opens the door to creativity. So once you step outside the idea that a gift has to come straight from a store, the whole world of options opens up. Handmade, upcycled, curated, found, repurposed, all of it. You don't have to be a master crafter. You just have to be someone who's willing to spend little time thinking about the person you're giving to. So that punch needle basket we talked about earlier is the perfect example. thrifted materials gathered with intention, nothing expensive or fancy, just personal. And there's so many ways to play in that space. So maybe you find a really cool frame secondhand and pair it with a meaningful photo or a printed quote or a poem. Maybe you thrift a piece of glassware and you turn it into a candle or a little planter where you gather bits of fabric or yarn or tools and you create that maker's kit for someone who loves to try new hobbies. Mixing secondhand with handmade is one of the easiest ways to create something that feels really personal without spending a lot or creating a lot of waste. There's also this other side of creativity, the community side. So, so many people shared ideas that leaned into the let's make this fun approach because normalizing secondhand often starts with trying it together. So, some families do all secondhand gifts. That's the challenge becomes a joyful little challenge, almost like a treasure hunt. And you never know what you're gonna find, but when you do, it feels like magic. And so it has to be, it has to be thrifted. It has to be green. Whatever it is, you can set a challenge within your own family. Some people set limits. So find one great gift under $20 and it has to be secondhand. And then the shift focuses away from spending and toward like the quirkiness and the story, the surprise. Other folks gave ideas for themes. So a vintage year, a thrift only secret Santa. That's got to be refurbished tech or upcycled decor. Anything that kind of fits your structure. Themes can make things playful and also level the playing field. Everyone knows the expectations and nobody feels like they're stepping outside of that like weird, invisible gift rule book. I also really loved the comment from someone who said that we should also normalize not gifting at all. And there's something really freeing about that, just removing the obligation, letting gifts be about connection and not performance. And that's again, when communication really becomes key. And honestly, that mindset of I'll give something when it feels right, pairs really beautifully with secondhand gifting because it's often opportunistic. You find the right thing because it's in the right moment, not because the date on the calendar demands a purchase. So when you look at all these approaches, Handmade, upcycled, secondhand, challenge based, not gifting at all, they all come back to the same route, I think, which is intention. Gifts don't need to be new, they need to be meaningful. They don't need to be expensive, they need to be thoughtful, and they don't need to be perfect, they need to be personal. Gifting this way becomes a creative act and not a stressful one. It's a conversation, a little experiment, and maybe even starting a new tradition that feels better than the one it replaces. So where can you actually find gifts secondhand and what should you get? When it comes to actually finding secondhand gifts, there are so many places to look. And I think the best approach is to treat it less like a checklist and more like an exploration. So different places have different strengths and part of the fun is matching the right gift to the right person. So I usually start with local thrift stores. I do love a thrift store wander. either in the little community ones and the bigger chains too. These places are full of things that often end up being the most meaningful gifts. So we've got vintage books, quirky mugs, lots of old picture frames, beautiful glassware, puzzles, baskets. Baskets are especially perfect for putting together gifts. And the thing about thrift stores is that the inventory changes constantly. So you never know what you're going to find. So you want to pop in frequently, especially this time of year. They also have tons of decor. So if you're feeling the need to get some more decor or refresh what you already have, the thrift store is the place to be. Then there are consignment stores, which tend to be a little more curated. So if you're looking for someone who has a particular style, maybe it's a piece of jewelry or a bag and a brand they really like, a high quality dish set, something like that, consignment shops can be a really great fit. The selection is usually smaller, but it is more curated. So it takes some of the overwhelm out of the process of looking through everything. I also really love antique markets and small vintage shops, not for everything, but for those one of a kind pieces that feel like they're meant for someone specific, a piece of jewelry, a vintage teacup, an old map or postcards that tie into a person's interests. Those pieces aren't just objects. They carry a bit of history. which becomes part of the gift as well. And of course, there's a whole world of secondhand online options from Facebook marketplace, Kijiji, Poshmark, Vinted, eBay, even Etsy has vintage items listed. And each of those places will fill a different niche. I find marketplace is especially great for kids' items, toys, sports gear, furniture, Barbie dream house, the Thomas the toy, train engine table, all of that kind of stuff. Lego, as I said, all of the Lego in our house is secondhand. So take a look and you'll really be surprised. On the other end of the spectrum online are buy nothing groups and your local swap pages. And these are the spaces where the stories really live. When someone says, I don't need this anymore. Would someone else enjoy it? And you can also put up an in search of and see if somebody, my gosh, I have that in my house. Yes, please come and get it. I'm not using it. These gifts come with that layer of community connection, which is a little gift in itself. That's where I listed the lamb chop doll from earlier, which connected me to that lovely woman who left us the hand-painted holiday cards. So Buy Nothing is a great place to declutter your gently used items before the holidays to give them the best chance of staying in use and being the perfect gift for someone else. When you're shopping secondhand, it's helpful to think about the people in your life and how each of these things might speak to them. So if someone loves to read, There's something really lovely about finding a vintage hardcover, something with character, a beautiful spine, an addition they haven't seen before. If someone loves to cook or bake, thrift stores are full of cast iron pans, enamelware, cool mixing bowls, serving dishes, pieces that were made to last and often outperform what you can buy new today. For the crafty people, secondhand shops are full of potential. Yarn, fabric, sewing patterns, material offcuts, embroidery hoops, beads, tools, you name it. And from there, you can build something small and personal, a little maker's kit, uh starter project. Doesn't need to be elaborate, it's thoughtful. I would love something like that, by the way. For kids, secondhand is a dream. Board games, puzzles, doll houses, train sets, dolls, Lego, all of these things clean up beautifully and cost a fraction of the price. Kids do not care. that something has had a life before. They just care that it's fun. They care that it feels like something that was chosen just for them. And then of course, there are the quieter gifts, a thrifted vase with a propagated plant inside, a frame with a meaningful photo, a piece of glassware turned into a candle, little collections of things that say, thought of you. So whatever direction you go in, again, the guiding principle is the same. Know your person, know your audience. Secondhand gifts, when they align with the recipient's personality, when they feel chosen, it's the intention behind the gift that makes it land, not whether it came from the store that sells new or a store that sells everything that came before. So as we wrap up today, I just keep coming back to that moment with the PlayStation on Christmas morning and the look on my kid's face when he said like, you found this on Kijiji. Cause it wasn't about it being secondhand or the PlayStation or any of it. It was about the surprise and the delight. And for me, it was the feeling of being known. And that really is at the heart of this episode. Secondhand gifting is not about doing the holidays better or more eco-friendly. It's about doing them more intentionally in ways that feel gentler on your budget and your energy and the planet and often more meaningful for the people receiving the gift. So here's your one small ship for this week. Choose just one gift this year to give differently. Just one. Maybe it's secondhand. Maybe it's handmade from thrifted materials. Maybe it's just something meaningful of yours passed along. And if you do try this, if you give or receive a secondhand gift this season, I would genuinely love to hear your story. These moments are how the stigma shifts. They're how we normalize different ways of showing care. So feel free to send me a message or tag me or share this episode with someone in your life who might be curious about trying this too. So next week, I'll be back with another conversation to help you move through the holidays with a little more ease and a little more clarity. Until then, Start where you are, use what you have, and live a little greener. Thanks for tuning in to Sustainable in the Suburbs. Every small step adds up, and I'm so glad we're doing this together. If you enjoyed this episode, please make sure to follow the show, share it with a friend, and leave a review wherever you get your podcasts. You can find me at sustainableinthesuburbs.com or at Sarah Robertson Barnes on all the things. Until next time, start where you are, use what you have, and live a little greener. This podcast is produced, mixed and edited by Cardinal Studio. For more information about how to start your own podcast, please visit www.cardinalstudio.co or email Mike at mike at cardinalstudio.co. You can also find the details in the show notes.